Father’s Day Reflection

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What does it look like to have pictures of fathering that are rooted in tenderness instead of power and control? How can this tenderness then inform our view of God? Hayley reflects on what it means to call God Abba Father.

SPEAKER NOTES

Father’s Day Reflection

Introduction

• Happy Father’s Day! For my reflection today, I want focus in on talking about a specific name for God
• I’ve talked before about how helpful it’s been in my own faith journey to use a wide variety of names for God when I pray and speak
• This all really began when I was in a spiritual formation group my freshman year of college.
  • One night, we were all gathered and we were given a packet that had an extensive list of names for God- pages front and back with scripture references for where those names came from.
  • We took time to recognize which names were challenging for us to use (always had trouble with anything that seemed authoritative) which names we were drawn to. And which were just straight up confusing.
• Now, as a recovering perfectionist and aspiring good-enoughist, I can take any exercise and turn it into an opportunity to be a good student. So I put all the names on individual index cards.
  • Each week, I’d randomly pick 2 and only use those 2 names for the week when praying or referring to God.
  • This worked well for the weeks I grabbed Holy Spirit, Creator, Jesus. And a little less well when I was stuck calling God “Branch” or “Door.”
• But through this exercise I began to develop more of a dissatisfaction with the fact that it seemed like most of the powerful, authoritative names for God appeared to be male: King, Lord
• And any feminine imagery (which had much smaller representation) seemed gentle and nurturing.
• This distinct gender spilt — powerful or nurturing — is not surprising considering the context of longstanding patriarchal tradition, religious and within the broader culture.
• Mother was the most common feminine image (Mother Hen, a nursing mother, my favorite- talking about the womb of God).
  • One who gathers, feeds, nourishes.
  • A gentle loving spirit- which is beautiful! But still feels like it upholds a gendered split.

Transition: There are most definitely names that push against this norm: Mother Bear (Vince mentioned in his message on Mothers Day) — God is like a Mother Bear, fiercely wild and protective. And for Father’s Day, the name I want to focus in on is Abba Father.

Abba Intro

• Abba Father is a name used by Jesus and later Paul, the writer of the book of Galatians.
• And I think that Abba is extremely helpful in pushing against perceived gendered norms.
• Because it’s not just unfortunate that feminine imagery doesn’t appear as strong and authoritative; it’s unfortunate that male imagery lacks tenderness and nurturing!
• These splits can be in our understanding of God’s nature, but it translates to how we understand family and community dynamics as well.
• There are lived consequences for operating on a binary and reserving all the nurturing and gentleness for women, especially those in any mothering roles.
• There is an earnestness and closeness of calling God Abba. It reads as more intimate than just Father - a signifier of deep connection and reliance.
• And since it’s Fathers Day- I have been reflecting on men in my life who hold similar traits that the word Abba contains.
• So we’ll back bounce and forth a little bit with reflecting on Fathers Day and reflecting on the name for God, Abba.
• So we have 3 elements of Abba Father that we’ll walk through to guide our time together:

1. Abba Father is a name of expectation: God is responsive and listens to our longings

• Abba is an Aramaic term for God, often used by children when calling to their Fathers.
• Because of the childlike use, it is often translated colloquially as “Daddy”.
• Jesus called out to God “Abba!” Before his crucifixion, longing for God’s presence and longing for suffering to be removed.

When I think of this name for God:

• I think of my husband Andy and my son Oliver.
• Oliver is now almost 4 but from the beginning of his babbling he has called Andy “Dada”.
• I have a video of him, probably around a year and a half and he’s propped up on the window sill, hands pressed against the glass.
• In the video I say, “Who are you looking for?” And he says inquisitively in his tiny baby voice “Dada? Dada?”
• Andy will tell you that one of the ways he has concretely experienced the love of God has been by walking through the door after work to Ollie running toward him yelling Dada! and wrapping his arms around him.
• And the refrain of “Dada! Dada! Dada!” Still fills our home when Ollie needs anything from Andy: the covers pulled up, a glass of water, a playmate.
• It’s an address of longing for help. But there is also a confidence behind it, knowing that there will be a response.
• It’s an address of being confident that he has a Father he knows will respond with love and care and help get him what he needs. How nurturing and tender.
• This can directly translate to calling God Abba.
• A confidence in the closeness and presence of God. A name of endearment but also an address looking for a response.
• Think of baby Ollie, hands pressed up against the glass.
  • We can always be curious, looking for the presence of God evident in the world.
  • This is why one of my favorite prayers is “God increase our awareness of you.
• Jesus prays Abba and we can pray Abba and it’s MORE than just a sweet childlike address of Daddy, Dada.
• I think the connection to trust and expectation is key here.

Perhaps an aside, but I want to talk a bit about having expectation that God can and will do something:

• Being able to earnestly pray prayers of expectation can feel more and more difficult in world where suffering and genocide and sickness and shootings have us despairing and doubting the presence of God.
  • What happens when what we pray for just doesn’t happen?
  • Is this because of the nature of God? Or is it because of the nature of the world?
• This is where we come up against the limits of God, that God isn’t in control (which may feel like scary territory. Happy Father’s Day let’s open a can of worms).
• This week I listened to an episode of the podcast Faith for Normal People where they interviewed theologian and author Anna Case-Winters
• They have a really interesting conversation around the incarnation of God and the theme of God’s power comes up.
  • Her words around the power and love of God feel helpful here in shaping our understanding of being able to pray with expectation in a way that isn’t rooted in control. She says: (prompt quote)

• “What is perfect power? I don’t think perfect power is domination and control. I think perfect power is the power of love… I think of God as loving, and love does not control the beloved. And God not controlling world process sort of explains how the world is the way it is when God is a good God” - Anna Case-Winters

• It’s actually better news if God isn’t in control because it means that God is not just sitting ideally by letting injustice happen. Or even worse, God is not causing an injustice for a greater purpose.
• A book Vince has referenced before “God Can’t” by Tom Oord is really helpful here- we can re-link that in the resources channel on discord.
• And we are always happy to chat more about this if you have questions
• When we pray Abba, we are not demanding some withheld answer from an all-controlling distant God. A tyrant, a strict Father keeping his children in line.
• We are expressing longings and are joined in our hope, in our distress- our longings are met with compassion and love from a God who understands, a fellow sufferer.
• And through the partnership of God, our prayers actually mean something.
• We join in with the all-loving, influencing and persuasive power of God in the world.
• It’s essential that our understanding of Abba Father is rooted in love and responsiveness and not in control. A tenderness that responds in our needs and in our fears.

Transition: So Abba Father is a name of expectation. It is also a name of consistency, the second element we’ll talk through today.

2. Abba Father is a name of consistency, using it points to a dependable relationship

• scholars have shown that Abba Father is not just a childlike address of Daddy but a name used by adults for their Fathers as well.
• It is a name indicative of a longstanding, dependable relationship.
• I think of my Dad when I think of the consistency of a Father over time.
• I have called my dad Papa my whole life, now Oliver calls him Papa and Sadie will as well.
• When I think of my Dad, I think of the consistency of Mike being Mike.
• This is the consistent patience of a man who when I was growing, would play the Shrek soundtrack in our car over and over and over again. Not just enduring it but actively singing along and drumming on the steering wheel each time.
• The patience of a Papa who will sit with Ollie and read books for hours until they’re both sleepy.
• I think of how consistently emotional he is — you could bet money on him crying at Disney movies, crying at Super Bowl commercials, crying at Grey’s Anatomy episodes. It doesn’t take much.
• He’s always been that way. A Dad who’s fully present. A Dad who feels deeply. A dependable listening ear and someone who cares and is involved in the lives of his children
• Abba Father is a name that evokes longstanding trust in the dependability and consistency of God. God is who God is.
• I’ve found it’s been a helpful reframe to take the common saying “God works in mysterious ways” and say instead “the world works in mysterious ways, but God is consistently loving.”
  • A God who is dependably present in the world across time.
• Our language will always be lacking, we will never fully grasp the vastness of God - there’s so much mystery! - and God is also not a puzzle to be solved.
• Abba Father is an expression of confidence in a relationship -
  • not a relationship that has to be earned or reserved for “arrived” people who have it all figured out, but a relationship that simply is. A relationship with a consistently loving God
• I want to hold lament for those who have felt like they have had to earn a Fathers love.
• Lament for those who have had to navigate wild unpredictability, a lack of safety and assurance. Absence and manipulation.
• Thinking of God as a Father may be difficult if you have not had the best relationship with your own father. And I believe that Abba Father can be redemptive too.
• Abba isn’t just a name, it implies a relationship and closeness.
• In Galatians, Paul talks about how we are transformed as children of God, children who can call out Abba because God’s spirit is within us.
• Instead of upholding God the Father as some ultimate, patriarchal head of household, distant and rule-ridden, we are pointed to the intimacy of a relationship.
  • A relationship of closeness and care, dependable and available.
  • A loving connection that is always actively unfolding.

Transition: Expectation, consistency, and now, the last theme we’ll discuss: reverence

3. Abba Father is a name of reverence and holiness

• Abba in the way that Jesus used it held an undeniable connection to holiness.
• He used both Abba and Our Father, particularly when teaching his followers how to pray. You may be familiar with the Lord’s Prayer “Our Father…hallowed be thy name” or “holy is your name”.
• It’s a name of authority and holiness(that tricky word authority again)
• When I think of this reverence and awe for God, instead of some distant, untouchable, utterly “Other” figure, it brings to mind the way we revere our ancestors:
  • the Matriarchs and Patriarchs - living or past- the larger than life memorializing, looking to them with loving respect.
• For me, I think of my Great-Grandpa Johnson.
• This is where Ollie gets his middle name, Nils
• Nils came over from Sweden when he was 21 and lived a very full life until the age of 99, almost 100.
• He was funny and kind and witty and to me, seemed quite steady well into his 90s.
• He told the best, imaginative stories of flying off the playground swings to eat cookies with the man in the moon or diving into the ocean to visit with King Neptune.
• We lived in the apartment above his for some time and when I was 3 or 4 he’d fully commit to games of hide and seek, crawling under the table or into the bathtub.
• Each night, I’d go downstairs to say goodnight to Grandpa Johnson.
  • My parents thought that was so sweet of me UNTIL they found out the real reasons for my visits: He was sneaking me a peppermint candy each night before bed.
• My whole family has stories after stories of his silliness and steadiness and faith in Jesus. Again, a larger than life presence.
• Maybe you have family stories of your own, passed down through generations about someone similar to Great Grandpa Nils.
• This type of reverence and awe for someone is a far healthier vision for how to view a God of authority and power. The kind of authority attached to calling God Abba.
• There’s a pervasive holiness that doesn’t keep us separate from God but draws us closer.
• We have so many unhealthy pictures of authority: misuses of power, submission and control.
  • But the power of God is rooted in possibilities, not in control. X 2
  • God does possess power. But it is unique and essential that holiness and relationship are intertwined. We can hold reverence for God and feel closely connected to God
• Again, we can turn to the words of Anna Case-Winters from the Faith for Normal People episode I mentioned earlier: She says that the
  • “Power of domination is our preoccupation, not God’s.”
  • She goes on to explain: (prompt quote)

“I do think God is powerful and is exercising divine power in a way that is persuasive. That God is ever taking the wreckage that we make of our possibilities and redeeming what can be redeemed. And luring the creation and us in ever positive and good directions”

• Reverence for the power of God does not separate us from God because compassion and closeness are a direct part of God’s character.
  • These words: persuasive, influencing, all-loving seem so intricate and tender to me
  • Far more approachable to be drawn in by the persuasive, influencing, loving work of God instead of cowering in fear of the power of domination
• Upholding the holiness of God sometimes brings up the word humility.
• That we have to be humble as we approach God.
• And maybe, as if in the presence of an over-controlling Father, we can internalize that having humility means being worthless, not being good enough.
• I’d argue that even though narcissism has become a bit of a buzz word lately, most of us lean self-deprecating, not narcissistic.
• Having humility and expressing reverence does not mean we are worthless on our own-
  • it just encourages us to have a right sized view of ourselves, to reckon with our limitations and what we need beyond ourselves.
• Calling God Abba upholds a posture of awe and respect for God that doesn’t belittle our own worth but honors our humanity.
• This is not a God of harsh restrictions, a demanding Father, an aloof tyrant or a controlling leader.
• The holiness of God doesn’t dehumanize us. (X2) Instead, God’s abundant love influences us and transforms us. The best picture of a Father leading us and walking with us

Closing thoughts

• In her book This Here Flesh, author Cole Arthur Riley tells many stories about her dad.
• One of them in particular has stayed with me since and it’s about watching her dad looking at himself in the mirror. (I’ll read the excerpt for us now)
• Our language for God is a mere reflection of the vastness of who God is.
• This reflection can be distorted and incomplete on our own.
• We need one another to witness to, cling to, and speak about different understandings of God so that we can start to piece together a mosaic of who God is and how God acts in the world.
• As Cole writes, we need one another to reflect back who we actually are.
• To remind us that we can trust our best instincts of the picture of a loving God we long for. To call us back to ourselves.
• We need others to help us gain greater perspective, to help us learn to trust our bodies, to help us gain confidence in our identities and the stories we have to offer the world.
• We need community and relationships and family- chosen families and/or the families we are born into
• Self-discovery and community building can be scary and vulnerable work.
• And we need pictures of God that are rooted in tenderness, in closeness, in care in order to sustain us.
• We need an active God that is unfolding with us.
  • That does not judge our journeys of discovery but offers us a safe place to land.
• We need the consistency of hope, an all-loving God who is persuading and influencing the world toward active love and justice.
• We need a tender God, an Abba Father.

Would you pray with me:

God of tenderness,

Would we think of you in long embraces. The gentleness of a summer’s breeze. The consistent sun warming us. The patience and care of a loving Father. Would you continue to guide us and walk alongside us as we navigate what is in front of us. Would you help us to take the next loving step, one day at a time. Would we be curious, hands pressed up the glass looking for evidence of your love and justice. Draw us close, and would we draw close to one another.

Take some deep breaths with me.

Increase our awareness of you, Abba Father. Amen

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