Give up Performing Your Self for Lent

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This week, for our Lenten tradition of giving up hidden beliefs that aren't serving us, we're finding language for our numbness in the book of Ecclesiastes, and finding help for our weary, modern "selves" in the stories of Jesus' healings.

SPEAKER NOTES

Give up Performing Your Self for Lent

Kids Church transition (Alicia doing welcome remotely)

Beginning

Let me start us with a little personal sharing this week..

• I was saying to some friends here in the church a little while ago that I find myself as comfortable as I ever have, these days, self-describing as “Christian”, and as a “minister” or “pastor”
• Which is interesting, after I was all-in on what felt like a real movement in the 2010’s to try out alternative labels like “follower of Jesus” or “spiritual coach”.
• That felt so important as a way to differentiate from so many of the ugly and bad-faith and homophobic and condescending versions of American Christianity in our culture.
• I remember making business cards when we started the church and for the first time ministry was part of my vocation, and I was just fretting over what to put on them — what’s the right language? I use buzz words that people know, but actually don’t use buzz words because they’re cliche, but don’t use jargon or people won’t know what you’re talking about, but be unique and stand out — ahhh! I don’t know!
• It’s so funny now because I really hardly ever used them.
• My context is ministry but I wonder if you feel this way in your context — like you have to market yourself correctly, just like a business has to market itself correctly, to its target market, with a good return on investment, or else the business is failing.
• Except we’re not talking about businesses, we’re talking about us! Human beings!!
• Early on as a pastor this was one of the hardest internal battles for me — I felt like I had to constantly define myself, by myself, in a perfect, singular, clever way.
• But I just never got the recognition I was hoping for; it was always out of reach (people would just think I was leading a cult).
• I’d feel angry for being misunderstood. I’d feel depressed for not being better at this.
• And that’s a numbing experience — going over the same ground again and again — thinking, I’ll get a better result this time, with this tactic! — but I still don’t.
• So, more recently, I’ve come back to “Christian” accepting the limits (for sure!) but embracing that, limits aside, it brings a tradition full of meaning and purpose, which I don’t have to brilliantly come up with my own.
• I still wrestle with the same critiques of American Christianity (if anything more so than a decade ago!), and I still have to do plenty of differentiating,
• BUT I don’t feel so angry and sad and numb.

We’ll come back to this a little later, but for now Hayley, set some context for us…

Context

• We are in Lent, the 40 day season in the church calendar that leads up to Good Friday and Easter Sunday, when we mark Jesus’ death and resurrection.
• A long Lenten tradition in many churches is giving up a regular indulgence like chocolate,
  • as a way to intentionally commit to God for the whole season
• Playing with that long tradition, BLC’s own tradition the last several years has been: giving up beliefs that don’t seem to be serving us
  • That’s our intentional commitment to God for this season
• And this year, we want to give up the hidden beliefs underneath our lives that leave us feeling like our only option is to give up
  • We want to give up “giving up”
  • Some of these hidden beliefs we’ll talk about this Lent are religious beliefs
  • But many are just general Western culture or American beliefs (unexamined assumptions about how life or the world works)
  • And in their place we want to suggest different, better beliefs
  • So you can go back to your chocolate, just don’t go back to the old, unhelpful beliefs. Those are not serving you

Ecclesiastes

• We mentioned last week the saying in Latin American Liberation theologies:
  • We don’t just read the Bible, we let the Bible read us.”
  • That’s how we’re uncovering the hidden beliefs we want to encourage giving up.
• Specifically, we’re using the Bible’s Book of Ecclesiastes.
  • One of the Wisdom writings of the Hebrew Bible, or Old Testament. Written 450 to 150 years before Jesus.
  • It claims to be the voice of King Solomon from centuries earlier in Hebrew history - which was a very common ancient thing (penning something under a famous historical person’s name)
  • And (if you were with us last week you’ll have seen) it is an incredibly modern feeling text,
    • It’s a wisdom book not because it's a careful argument for how to live wisely (it definitely isn’t); but because it’s a sort of stream of consciousness poking holes in all conventional wisdom
    • It’s a book of deconstruction, for deconstruct-ers
    • A book for our time!
• Yes, and Vince you got us started here with naming feelings of depression and numbness from trying to find just the right way to “market” yourself, to tell your own story. And we find numbness and apathy, really confusion in Ecclesiastes!
• For our passages today — Truthfully, I swept thru Ecclesiastes with the lens of “hmm what sounds depressing” and we did not even make it past chapter 1!
• That distress of the charged “Meaningless!” (Last week) And then the numbness, the apathy of “meaningless” (this week) visual

Ecclesiastes 1:8-11

All things are wearisome, More than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, Nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, What has been done will be done again; There is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, “Look! This is something new”? It was here already, long ago; It was here before our time.

No one remembers the former generations, and even those yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow them.

What a poetic way to say “what’s the point”

Ecclesiastes 4: 1-3

Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun:

I saw the tears of the oppressed —and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors— and they have no comforter.

And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is the one who has never been born, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun.

What is this reading in us?

So, Vince, what do you think Ecclesiastes reads in us? We have a very different context than its long ago writer, but why do we know in our context these same feelings?

I would say we know these feelings because a hidden belief in our late modern western world is that we have to perform our selves endlessly to find meaning and purpose, leading to a perpetual crisis of self.

So welcome to another episode of “sociology corner with Vince”. Here’s what sociologists observe about what I think Ecclesiastes reads in us…

• Responsibility of self-narration visual

  • In a globally-connected world with countless narratives claiming purpose or meaning around us all the time, across the street or across the world but immediately accessible on the internet, you have to define yourself, you have to select from a massive buffet table what brings you purpose and meaning — which is both freedom and fatigue; amazing and exhausting.
  • Sociologist Gerardo Marti: human beings for most of history lived their entire lives as a member of one cultural-religious group, which provided a meaning and purpose structure to narrate our lives (to be clear: this was by no means perfect and good for every person in every way; but it was less complicated than what we know today).
  • Today we have to self-narrate while navigating pressure from four, five, maybe even a dozen groups that make up our lives at any one time (family, workplace, school friends, neighborhood friends, church, volunteering, sports, hobbies, the gym, our favorite podcast community or YouTuber, etc etc), which all have frameworks and rules of their own and demands for us to show up,
  • So then, Marti says, the margins of life is like being in the alley in between tall buildings as we move between groups and their meaning structures and have to code switch on the way so we can perform correctly in the next space.
  • “In the alley between tall buildings” feels differently than, for example, Psalm 23’s “spacious green pastures and still waters” right? visual off

• Yeah, and when we think of ourselves only as our different roles, the different groups we are in — to some extent they do require a degree of performing. Or in the social media online space: curating.

• And when we perform our selves in these roles and groups, we can unintentionally become pretty fragmented.

• I heard a phrase recently that’s been helpful for me in understanding my own meaning-making: story follows state

  • If you are exhausted from going from parenting mode to workplace mode to being in therapy mode to socializing mode, you’re not alone!
  • Each of those settings may be helping you create meaning, purpose and drive.
  • Each of those settings could also be driving you toward burn out and overwhelm
  • The state that you are in — from enthusiastically engaged to depressed and apathetic — is going to inform the stories you tell. About yourself, about the group, about your context.

• Disenchantment visual

  • Over the last 500 years, America and the West has seen a profound decline in sacredness, in ritual, in priority for wisdom traditions, in any sense that the world is enchanted and not just empty and vapid.
  • That’s not all bad, as previous ages saw humans often struggle needlessly with superstitions and worries about divine retribution…
  • But today our world is so thoroughly disenchanted — our concerns are so absorbed by numbers and measurements and calculations and rational explanations — that we have blocked the door to transcendence, which ritual and tradition and communal sacred practice used to help us experience
  • The result is individuals today ask their existential questions about meaning and purpose inside an indifferent, flat cosmos
  • If there is any discussion of ritual or practice, it’s as technique not as transcendence
  • A transcendent God who loves us can’t be proven, and that makes us uncomfortable, so let’s just talk about techniques for loving ourselves.
  • An amazing thing to talk about! But that’s a massively consequential distinction technique vs transcendence — like, we say every week here we hope this church feels like a space of rest from the frenetic pace of modern life — that’s part of the purpose and meaning we want to bring to people’s lives here — but “rest as technique” is utterly different than “rest as transcendence”.
  • Techniques can work and can be great, don’t get me wrong! BUT they still come down to my performance.
  • Transcendence is being helped by something beyond me — it is not unlocked by performance — it is grace, gift, invited to dance. visual off

• Yeah, and I think about how in some religious settings, the gift of transcendence, of experiencing meaning and help beyond ourselves can be turned into just another area to perform in

  • Transactional expectations — pray this prayer and you’ll receive this provision; have the right insider lingo, perform these rituals and you’ll be blessed
  • Totally! Religion isn’t guaranteed to be free of this. Modern religious settings can be as technique-focused as anything in the modern world, even though, ironically, they may hold very enchanted beliefs — the way they pursue those are extremely disenchanted.

• Deterioration of community visual

  • In the 90s sociologist Robert Putnam observed when he called the decrease in social capital in American life the second half of the 20th century — a decrease in the interpersonal bonds that create community, protect people from isolation, and foster shared meaning and purpose for people.
  • People used to bowl in bowling leagues, now more and more people are “bowling alone” he said.
  • I’m struck by the “alley” commonality in the image of bowling alone in a bowling alley and the image of being alone in the alley in between tall buildings
  • As stifling as “being alone in the alley between tall buildings” is, if you need a break from the “perform yourself!” demands inside the buildings and that’s your only option you choose it.
  • Add to this the dawn of the smart phone in the mid 20-teens and it becoming the most ubiquitous technology on the planet, and now we’re not bowling alone; we’re looking at our phones alone.
  • Now, the margins of life in the alley in between buildings is not even available for code-switching before going into the next building, because it’s spent on our phones attending to our digital selves.
  • The autopilot of our culture leaves no margin now for our weary selves to get a break. We must always perform! visual off

• Fascinating and perhaps a little scary to ask- are we ever alone? Are we always performing?

  • Passing through the buildings, on our phones in the alleys. I’m totally guilty of the “I’d love some alone time” and then I go and technically “by myself” scroll on instagram…where I continue to interact with other people
  • 100%! It’s just listen to a podcast for me.

Personal Story to encourage us all

• I can remember, a while back, early 20s, going to a spiritual direction session at a ministry conference I was at.
• If you’re unfamiliar with spiritual direction, it’s therapy-adjacent. There’s a lot more space left for listening to God, the divine. It’s grounded in prayer and led by a spiritual director, not a therapist.
• I was at this conference, I really didn’t know what to expect. And when I sat down for my session with this woman I had never met before, I started crying.
• The whole weekend I had been in performance mode- youth ministry conference, so the vibe was fun! - but life was not fun. I was actually really depressed. And I felt like all of the sorrow and numbness I was holding was even heavier trying to pretend like it didn’t exist.
• She invited me to be curious about how I was feeling, I told her about my depression.
  • How distant I felt from the singing and praising God, from talking about goodness, victory.
  • My internal reality felt really disconnected from how I felt like I needed to show up in this space.
• And she very gently said “Just because Jesus is resurrected doesn’t mean he can’t willingly join you when you’re in the tomb.”
• Felt the pressure release, like a long and steady exhale and I could breathe easier. Her words didn’t fix the numbness and apathy, but did give me a sense of permission to let myself be how I needed to be AND not resort to isolation or despair.
• I felt better about opening up to others I was working with, others in my life. I felt less needy in asking for more support. I felt embraced and comforted.
• It was not the first or last time I’d feel like I was in that tomb-like space, but it was a major shift in understanding God’s presence was with me when I let the mask come fully off.
• And a major shift in recognizing that people would welcome my vulnerability, not just expect me to get right back to performing.

Encouragements

• When we go back to the Ecclesiastes passages- we have the dead ends of:

  • All things are wearisome
  • There is nothing new under the sun
  • Better is the one who has never been born

• A numbness, cut off from the potential for meaning, really cut off from hope!

• Our experiences of the world and our understandings of ourselves shift when we are open not just to witnessing the divine, the sacred around us. But when we start to see ourselves as held by the divine, infused with the sacred. Loved as we are

• The spiritual director’s words helped me realize that I was not only what I was going through in that moment. My identity and my story stretched beyond my depression, beyond what I was struggling with

  • Your life, your story is not stagnant. Your identity is always shifting. Story follows state — you can slow down and pay attention to the stories your life is telling right now, not as an act of judgment but just to be curious.
  • Almost like an insistence “there CAN be new under the sun! there CAN be the possibility for different!”

• I really believe that curiosity and hope keep us both from falling into the pit of despair AND needing to perform our selves.

• Community is such a gift as we start to decipher our identity, away from the numbness and giving up.

  • We don’t need more performance spaces, we don’t need more isolation, we need more opportunities to rest in who we are.

• Maybe you feel stuck in rehearsal mode, trying to pre-plan everything, mapping out future conversations and choices.

  • Or maybe you’ve been performing so long it feels scary to think about taking the mask off.

• The way modern life will mostly try to facilitate purpose and meaning for you is by driving you toward performing yourself to try to get recognition, to the point of going numb. But you can counter that! The performing to exhaustion to apathy path is not inevitable.

Pastoral Ending

In addition to encouraging that curiosity, I have one more encouragement to close us with, reflecting on Jesus’ ministry.

Jesus’ world didn’t have our modern issue of “selves in crisis” where nearly everyone felt this pressure to perform,

BUT there were individuals in Jesus’ hierarchical 1st century Greco-Roman culture who did experience for different reasons feeling like “they had to perform their selves to get recognition” and who seem, in the Gospels, numb, depressed, shut down by that reality:

• People who were unwell and had physical symptoms and people who were disabled —
• The Roman Empire had no Americans With Disabilties Act
• Performance of one’s situation was often all one could do to be recognized.
• And in this way Jesus’ healing ministry toward individuals in such situations isn’t just about physical wellness but about social wellness —
• Saving people from the isolating requirement of performing their selves by restoring them to community.

So, in our culture, where everyone feels the requirement to perform their selves, how much more is the God of Jesus looking to save people in this way?

I think if you want to give up performing your self, the Jesus-shaped community of a healthy church (not any church but a healthy church) has a truly distinct offer.

There is absolutely power to things I hear a lot like “my church is this group of friends”, or “my church is therapy”, or “my church is this regular activity or group or club”, especially when so many churches have abused power and sacrificed their moral authority at some other altar. I begrudge no one who finds what we’re talking about in a social group or healing pursuit outside of church. I’m so grateful those things exist!

AND, at the same time, at the risk of sounding self-promoting, I want to say that I believe a healthy church really can provide help that no other modern social grouping or even the best modern therapy can for getting off the “perform yourself” treadmill.

Because a healthy church ritualizes and normalizes and honors the opposite of performing our selves —

• worship of the ultimate other,
• confession of the limitations of the self,
• grace and acceptance,
• holding suffering (our own and that of others) instead of running from it,
• looking to resurrection after death,
• the recognition at a shared table that we all need help we can’t give our selves.

Our selves are tired. Even if we excel at “loving our selves”, it is still our selves doing that hard work. And so Jesus’ says: come to me and I will give you rest.

Prayer