Flashlights & Mental Furniture: Listening Prayer
We Modern people like to maintain the image of our minds being a locked-down, private space, but, when we let our guards down, we often feel a call away from closed self-sufficiency. Maybe our minds are more mysterious than we assume, and we'd welcome a flashlight and some outside input. This week, Vince teaches us about Listening Prayer.
Photo by Tawseem Hakak on Unsplash
SPEAKER NOTES
Flashlights & Mental Furniture: Listening prayer
Opening anecdote
Imagine your mind is a vast storage space
- Full of mental furniture —
- some neatly arranged areas
- some very hectic piles of old stuff
- and a lot of stuff you can’t seem to remember ever having or storing there, but somehow it’s there
- it’s almost like there are entrances to this storage space of your mind that you’re not aware of
- Come to think of it… It’s well lit close to the door, but the further back you go it’s pretty dark
- The idea we’re going to work today is that, sometimes, prayer is
- Realizing there are more entrances than you thought to the vast storage space of your mind
- That, somehow, God is there,
- Shining a flashlight onto something specific in that vast storage space of your mind,
- Or moving some of the furniture around so that you take notice
Context
So back in the end of July we took a personal inventory during a Sunday service here at BLC called Spiritual Pathways,
- Which was meant to expand our imaginations of ways prayer can look ::QR code::
- I encourage you to take it if you didn’t already do that with us —
- you can get it on our website or on the center table in the theater here
- there’s an adults version and a kids version that we recommend for kids at least 10 years old
This is my last message building on a few of the prayer suggestions from the second half of that resource
- The prayer practice I’m giving some instruction on today is “Listening prayer”
- ::QR code off::
Modern life
Before we go too much further, I wonder how you relate to this thought experiment I started with?
- Is that easy to imagine your mind as a vast storage space with entrances you didn’t know about?
- Or does that feel like an unexpected image to play with?
- This is NOT the default way of conceiving of our minds in the Modern World, is it?
- Our minds are not vast and mysterious, ::locked down::
- Our minds are secured and locked down with cameras sweeping every corner —
- And we certainly won’t let anyone with a flashlight in who wants to move things around!
- That would be extremely inconvenient! Some of it is a mess; but it’s our mess; an organized mess ::locked down off::
- We consider ourselves in total control of our mental faculties!
- Especially dominant Euro-American, White settings — We read self help books teaching us to be the masters of our own domain
- But not just dominant culture folks. This is across the board in the Modern West,
- in which each mind is buffered from the rest of the world, and we all have the right to self-define who we are and what we’re about for ourselves.
- Our mental furniture is private! Keep out! We’ve got this covered. We know where everything is. Others might mess things up, or come with too many opinions, or not respect my individuality!
- At the same time, though, we DO in our culture sometimes question this default setting,
- Like we are increasingly drawn to stories depicting mental health struggles in relatable ways, rather than those characters being stereotypes or abnormal
- Ted Lasso
- The Bear
- So compassionate about how none of us should have to feel the pressure to hold our minds together on our own
- They encourage us that our minds need outside inputs to pull us out of ourselves
- Even in superhero content, like the MCU’s Moonknight, which I found at times heartbreakingly beautiful
- Like we are increasingly drawn to stories depicting mental health struggles in relatable ways, rather than those characters being stereotypes or abnormal
- So, we Modern People are a bit mixed up
- we want to maintain the image of locked-down, keep-out, personal control over our inner worlds, especially when we’re defended!
- but, when we let our guard down, we do often feel a call away from closed self-sufficiency… and it would kind of be nice to let someone else in and see what they think
- As practices like therapy and counseling are more and more normalized, we as a culture are making great progress admitting this!
I think we need this same sort of normalization spiritually,
- So not just when it comes to letting other people into our usually locked down minds… therapists, friends, community, family
- BUT letting enter the possibility of divine connection, input from a God of love
- A flashlight shining our attention on something specific
- Or moving a bit of furniture around so we take note
Scripture
So this would be aligned with a more ancient way of understanding our selves, which is captured beautifully all over the Bible ::scripture::
Some of my favorite scriptures are the Psalms in which the Psalmist is talking to their own soul, asking questions of it , exploring it, encouraging it.
“Why so downcast, O my soul?” (Psalm 42)
- It’s like our selves can be wayward, contradictory, confusing, unwieldy… we need to learn about them… we don’t automatically know what’s best about our selves
- I’m drawn to that.
Or there’s the great longing expressed by the Prophet Joel (chapter 2)
[In those days],
I, God, will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your old men will dream dreams,
your young men will see visions.
Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days.
- The prophet Joel longs for a day when God’s spirit would feel so near that everyone felt they could hear God speak
- That hits modern people, I think, as equal parts
- inconvenient to our desire for privacy,
- but also captivating because modern life can feel so mundane and soul-less
Or, in the Gospel of John (chapter 14) Jesus telling his disciples:
If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever. This is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him because he abides with you, and he is in you. I will not leave you orphaned.
- John and his Gospel’s audience knew instinctively that a good life would require regular, ongoing input ::scripture off::
- That it’s great if Jesus shows us what God is really like, but what do we do now that Jesus is gone?
- And so Jesus promises not just a model, but a Spirit,
- We modern people actually prefer the opposite —
- regular, ongoing input sounds awfully inconvenient
- Letting someone in to shine a flashlight around and mess with my piles — no thank you.
- Could you just give me a book to memorize?
- (And that’s exactly what many modern people of faith have tried to squeeze the Bible into, even though that’s not what it is)
- And yet, despite the inconvenience, the prospect of a communicative God also calls to us at the same time
- So God doesn’t just lay out an ethical finish line? — saying “here’s this awesome dude Jesus; be like him… good luck humanity!”
- Jesus does not leave us orphaned — the Spirit of Truth is with us, abides in us?
- Such a possibility calls to us
- God with us, God as our fellow experiencer, in all things —
- God longing to join us in our minds
- Moving around the furniture or shining a flashlight
- to lure us, encourage us, speak to us
- Perhaps our minds are not meant to be so private, locked-down, isolated…
- Perhaps they are meant for connection
- This is Listening Prayer
- John and his Gospel’s audience knew instinctively that a good life would require regular, ongoing input ::scripture off::
In the Modern World today,
- when we question our “private, secured, locked down, mental space” default setting, I think it is a great sign that we’re coming back around to rich wisdom from the past about how our minds actually work best
- With outside input - communally and spiritually
Personal experience
One of my most memorable experiences of this type of prayer was when I was in school at DePaul University in one of my favorite classes.
- The instructor was awesome, the class was always engaged and encouraging of one another in discussion
- There was this one day in that class that the discussion was just as good as ever, but I was distracted
- my mind kept circling back to focus on this one guy I knew who sat in front of me,
- and I kept on having this thought like: he is such a good dude… I don’t think he realizes that about himself… but he has such integrity… I wish he knew that about himself
- Some nice thoughts to have about someone, right?
- But this was inconvenient: It persisted, it was distracting; it was steering me toward connecting with someone I didn’t know super well beyond class discussion
- So, by this time in my life, I was a praying person, so, quietly in my mind, in prayer while class discussion is continuing, I just relayed back to God these strangely persistent encouraging thoughts about this guy in my class
- And I felt like God said: “That’s how I feel about this guy. I’m letting you share in that.”
- What a gift, right?
- I mean that’s great if I share that encouragement with the other person, which I’ve learned to do, even when it’s awkward, because it’s also incredibly connecting
- But also: what a gift to my own Spirit! What a gift for my private mind space to be nudged toward open-ness, away from that default mental isolation and obsession with self-sufficiency
- I have this experience regularly.
- A somewhat inexplicable fond regard, a more encouraging than usual thought toward someone around me
- Just last Sunday here at church, I had it again when I was talking with someone.
- I wonder if you have these too?
- They often don’t really feel all that spiritual.
- We say to ourselves: “It’s not listening; it’s just thinking my own thoughts. My mind is private.”
- And as a result we don’t always give these impressions much weight.
But writer on spirituality Dallas Willard says ::dallas willard quote::
“God comes to us precisely in and through our [own] thoughts, perceptions and experiences… God can approach our conscious life only through them, for they are the substance of our lives.”
- I love that.
- We hear God through our own thoughts.
- It’s not “is it a spiritual experience of God? or is it just my own thoughts?”
- It’s both! ::quote off::
One of the best things that ever happened to me was ending up in a church setting that took really seriously this idea
- I grew up a classic example of the modern mindset —
- my mind was locked down, private, self-sufficiency focused, not connection focused
- if there was a God, God certainly didn’t have access to my mind
- But this church taught people how to pay attention to those persisting impressions or more loving and encouraging than usual thoughts
- To presume that outside input from God was possible and might be trying to pull me into connection with something outside of me
- That God might be there in our minds, through an entrance we don’t know about, shining a flashlight, moving around my mental furniture
- This church also had a very particular culture in terms of how people were formed to react to experiences of this and share about them, which was consistent with their more charismatic, Pentecostal culture
- And, honestly, that culture didn’t always feel like home to me
- BUT that’s okay!
- It’s not about the form, it’s about the function:
- Opening up our locked down, private minds,
- learning to trade the inconvenience of outside input (which isn’t really as offensive as our defended selves often fear)
- for the gift of connection, rather than isolation
- I am forever grateful for what that church taught me about Listening Prayer, even as my practice of it today is different than theirs
Instruction
So let me end with some instruction that has worked for me, if this feels like a prayer practice you want to experiment with, or build more muscle memory in.
First, the basic instructions are:
- Pay attention to…
- those persistent impressions,
- those inexplicable feelings of fond regard toward someone,
- those more encouraging or kinder than usual words that pass through your mind
- Ascribe them to God
- Welcome the way that calls to those parts in you that long to admit to the unsustainability of a locked-down, totally private and isolated mind
- Act on them
- Encourage the person you feel fond regard for.
- Voice that sense of “I just think you’re a really good dude, and I’m not sure you know it.”
- When people do this regularly in a community (not just romantic partners), IT IS SO… AMAZING!
- Friendships start
- Intimacy is deepened
- Bonds are forged
- Also, when people do this regularly in a community, IT IS SO… AWKWARD.
- My God, it’s awkward to say to someone: I don’t know if you believe this about yourself, but I feel like God sees your integrity.
- I speak from personal experience.
- But, you know what, awkwardness’s bark is worse than its bite
- We can push through awkwardness to find beautiful, life-giving, meaningful connection.
- It’s only awkward because we modern people are so locked down all the time. This means 21st century modern city-folks like us are kind of stunted in the “connection” department, compared to other ages and cultures
- In order to experience connection with God, we have to push through the awkwardness of presuming God might speak to us through our own thoughts, in a way that may not feel very spiritual at all but nonetheless is
- In order to experience connection with other people, we have to push through the awkwardness of saying something earnest and possibly even a little sentimental to another human being
- But I can say, having given the last 15 or so years of my life to choosing to push through the awkwardness, it’s so worth it…
- The beautiful, powerful, sometimes heartbreaking but genuinely alive experiences of connection with God and with others (and with yourself!) that living this way gets you is so worth it
Second, a do / don’t list ::visual::
- DO ascribe to God thoughts that feel like
- Encouragement
- Wisdom
- Humility
- DON’T ascribe to God thoughts that feel like
- Accusation
- Hot-takes
- Shame
- Our minds are going to have lots of accusation, hot-takes, and shame, unavoidably.
- And it is very tempting in a lot of religious settings to ascribe divine significance to those,
- because they shout louder than the gentleness of encouragement, wisdom, and humility,
- and so it feels like a rush —
- Wow! God is so alive! Just look at how blazing hot that hot-take was
- About how this person should marry that person
- Or about how so and so is hiding some “secret sin”
- People sure reacted intensely… that’s exciting
- But this has been some of my difficulty in the most charismatic church spaces I’ve been in
- Without some guard rails (some do / don’t lists), an embrace of listening prayer is playing with fire
- It all starts to sound like the kind of enchanted, anti-science world we’ve thankfully left behind
- Or it leaves us with a fire-y, cult-leader-like, shaming image of God, who is not worthy of worship
- But, with guard rails, that are thoughtfully mined from experience and tradition and community, we get to know the true God of Love, who feels absolutely worthy of worship
- Kind encouragement rather than anxiety-provoking accusation,
- Earned wisdom rather than a cheap hot-take,
- Welcome invitation into the freedom of humility rather than a shaming pressure to perform
- I think of the Hebrew Bible’s story of Elijah listening for God in a cave
- There was a great wind, but God was not in the wind
- A great earthquake, but God was not in the earthquake
- A great fire, but God was not in the fire
- Then a still small voice, and that’s where Elijah hears God.
Lastly, one bit of instruction that won’t apply to all of us, but might apply to a few of us
- In the mid-1990s, Psychologist Elaine Aron and her husband Arthur Aron began developing a theory about Sensory Processing Sensitivity
- and coined the term “Highly Sensitive People” (HSP)
- I wonder if you’ve heard of this before?
- HSPs have
- a greater depth of information processing,
- greater awareness of environmental subtleties,
- experience more empathy for other people’s feelings and situations,
- and therefore have an increased susceptibility to overstimulation
- According to Aron, HSPs make up 15-20% of the population
- I bring this up because, if being an HSP is a thing, and there’s a fair amount of peer review to suggest it is,
- There’s some major overlap there for a person’s spiritual life and particularly for a person’s experience of Listening Prayer
- Especially the “experience more empathy” and “more susceptible to overstimulation” pieces
- One pastor I know seemed very compelled by this, and used the term “thin membrane” to describe this on spiritual terms
- Some people have a “thinner membrane” between their minds and the rest of the world
- It’s more porous for them than for the majority of the population
- They don’t need Ted Lasso or The Bear to call them away from the Modern world’s default locked-down, private concept of the mind… it’s already opened up
- They more readily intuit other people’s thoughts and feelings;
- But that means it can also be hard to distinguish: what are my thoughts and feelings and what are someone else’s?
- They more readily can sense God speaking to them through their own thoughts and feelings,
- But they can also start to over-identify with this,
- And it can become debilitating
- or, worse, ego-inflating
- Which is, I think, part of how we end up with cults of personality and anti-science practices in the church
- So, if you identify as an HSP at all (again, possibly 15-20% of the population?)
- There’s some added caution for you with Listening Prayer
- An over-reliance on this kind of prayer practice or an over-identification with it could actually be a bad thing.
- If you notice it becoming debilitating
- Or if other people around you start to wonder if you’re getting a little too high on your horse
- If either of those are the case, it’s time to lean into some other prayer practices.
Ending
Despite the way most of us so easily default to that locked-down, private, keep-out conception of our minds, we, at the same time, long for connection, not private isolation.
And, more than that, our world longs for those humble enough to welcome outside input, to be pulled outside of themselves —
- Locked down minds are not going to be the ones who can choose solidarity with the poor, rather than the rich, so that a live-able wage for all can be won.
- Locked down minds are not going to be the ones who can see the suffering of the persons next to them, and enter into that space with them
- Locked down minds are not going to be the ones who can forgive.
- Locked down minds are not going to be the ones who can imagine creative and wise solutions to our deepest, most violent conflicts in the world.
It’s the minds that pursue humility and an openness to love — speaking to us and through us — that will do those things.
Let me pray for us…